KPS's GRUDGES

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 ; 1:50 PM♥

wee. finally the dark clouds disappear. . the two hot headed finally cooled down.

he told me quarrels always got good things come out from the mouth de. lol. cute eh.

yar. we understand each other more. and love each other more ~

im gonna go through this hard period with YOU.

im glad. . things are turning better. . . . ((:

feeling appreciated. . ((:

SO LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT WED!

Rewind the Film ♥

Monday, November 2, 2009 ; 6:53 PM♥

gosh. it has been raining since afternoon. . switched my drowsy mood on.

i'm on mc today. the fact that i woke up with a really bad headache, and slight fever.

yes. im feeling better after medication. but that feeling sucks. . like a damn bad hangover. .

i just woke up from my nap not long ago, ate dinner not long ago. . . but i think the flu med has just taken effect. . i feeling kinda seh seh. . . abit like . . very dizzy n feel like puking. .

doctor asked me a funny question. r u pregnant ? there he goes again. . thou its a different doc from the last time i saw. . y always ask me the same qns ?

actually im very SILLY. . i wished i was pregnant. i wantED to have a family of my own soon. . i wantED to have my own home. . probably because of my family background. . u wouldnt know how much i envy people whose parents are there for them. . haha. den ppl will tell me "but u're still young" seriously i dun mind. . .

but what's the point of saying these now ? haha. i doubt its gonna happen to me anyways. i always spoil my own relationships. . orbi good.

one day passed just like dat. but the agony somehow didnt lessen @ all. . had a very bad nightmare during my nap in the afternoon. . still can rmb the words that he shouted on me. . everything. . . hais. orbi good. i brought these all upon myself. .

i brought strain to this relationship. now my dreams are shattered. maybe i really put in too much hope already. . i dunno how to face him anymore. . needless to say to talk to him or text him. . thou i did text him today to tell him i aint feeling well and stuffs like dat. . but the feeling's different alrdy. .

我好害怕… 真希望睡了就永远不要醒来。。已没有什么东西值得我期待的。。只希望时间能够倒转。。我真的好恨我自己！！

Rewind the Film ♥

; 1:03 AM♥

darn. yes i know its been a month or so since i updated my blog.

but right now. i really have to blog down my thots. . if not im gonna breakdown soon. .no, i am already breaking down. . cant sleep @ all. . hate this feeling u know. u are damn TIRED, but u cant get to sleep. .

the last time i had this kind of feeling was when i know the truth about mum having another guy.

yes. the tears-session lasted me for about 3 days. .

maybe i got stronger already. im not crying that badly anymore. . but still the heart aches that badly.. my tears just wouldnt flow. i wish it had. something like. . taking a knife & piercing it into ur heart.

yes. i screwed up everything. i admit im the WORST girlfriend in the world..

i aint supportive in the right way. i do things without bearing consequences. i let ppl detest me.

all these thing wasnt what i wanted in the very first place.

nagging @ him when i know he was tired. being late for dates everytime when i know he detest late-comers. complain to him bout his family when i know his family is his priority.

HAHA. Laugh @ me. im the world biggest fool right. . go ahead. . .

instead of helping him to clear the load of his mind. what did i do. nag @ him, quarrel . . to make things worse, i keep on triggering him . . just like purposely provoke a wild bore.

i wanted to help him so much. . when i came to know about his problems. i offered him what i could do. . but still i felt damn helpless. he said its not my problem . . its his own problem and he'll settle it on his own. . but im his girlfriend. to me, his problem is mine & vice versa.

CINDY. where are you ? i hope u r here man! aww.

but seriously speaking . . . i feel we both really lack of communications. i tried to talk to him, STUPIDLY. by asking stupid questions. . so its my fault. . but if i don't probe anything, he wouldnt come n talk to me. . . i really feel DAMN NEGLECTED.

fuck. i really don't know. . tml's closing. the last closing im gonna have in this company.

AND I BET. ITS GONNA BE A BAD WEEK FOR ME.

im gonna hide inside my tortoise shell.

i HATE myself.

Labels: i'm the WORST girlfriend EVER

Rewind the Film ♥